How to help your child with school

“Adolescence is not just a period of transition; it’s a time of profound psychological and emotional development that shapes who we become as adults.” – Steinberg, L.

What happens on the inside and outside: physiological changes

Teenagers undergo prominent physiological changes and deal with positive and negative feelings about these changes. Often, teens, both boys and girls, begin to feel that they don’t understand their bodies anymore.  The hormonal changes that their body is going through are so influential that they trigger certain behaviours. For example, increased testosterone affects a greater interest in social status and competition. Additionally, an interplay between testosterone and estrogen affects neurotransmitters like dopamine and serotonin, which are crucial for emotional regulation. They can result in increased emotional sensitivity in teens. Navigating through the hormonal changes can be new and even frustrating for both the teens and their parents. 

What is happening inside their heads: cognitive growth

Adolescence is also a time when there is a lot happening at the neural level. Certain parts of the brain like the prefrontal cortex, and the limbic system undergo significant maturity during this phase. This makes them more sensitive to what others think. On one hand, teenagers are really tuned in to what’s happening around them and what others expect of them. This can sometimes make them feel more stressed or anxious. On the other hand, it’s also a stage of life when they’re starting to feel more responsible for their actions. But they’re not sure if they should act like kids or adults. This confusion is often because they feel more grown up than the adults around them seem to think they are. 

What do they feel: emotional development

Teenage emotions can be complicated. Things like personality, genetics, and stress can all play a part. Academic and social pressures can also have a big impact. So many internal and external factors is something very new to teens. As they grow older, these complications only increase. If they don’t get the right support, they might struggle with their mental health. These problems can show up during their teenage years or  in their adult lives. 

What is happening around: social dynamics 

During adolescence, the influence of peers plays a vital role in shaping a teenager’s self-esteem. To fit in and meet social expectations, teens may engage in behaviours that can seem surprising to their parents.The rise of social media has added another layer of complexity to these interactions. Social media often highlights carefully crafted versions of people’s lives, building a pressure to create and maintain a certain image. Additionally, spending too much time on social media can lead to feelings of loneliness, as these connections are often shallow and lack genuine emotional depth.

Sometimes conditions like ADHD can also significantly affect a teenager’s emotional development. Learn more about identifying ADHD in IB students and how to support them effectively in U4Success guide on ADHD in IB Students.

“The transition from childhood to adulthood can be a turbulent journey filled with emotional highs and lows as adolescents seek their place in the world.” – David Elkind

How the IB programme challenges IB students and what should you expect as an IB parent

In addition to the typical challenges of teenagers mentioned above, students in the International Baccalaureate Middle Years and Diploma Programs face unique pressures. The IB curriculum provides a well-rounded education and sets high academic standards for students. It emphasises developing various skills and learning attributes in young learners. 

In the  MYP, students are consistently challenged to build the necessary skill sets and engage in activities to create a holistic learner profile. These years in the IB curriculum are essential as they establish a foundation for the DP. As teens progress from the MYP to the DP, they experience a gradual increase in difficulty within the IB curriculum. In addition to managing rigorous academic requirements, students in both these programs are continuously challenged by actively participating in components beyond academics. While this curriculum fosters significant personal growth and prepares them for the future, it can also be quite challenging.

Why your child refuses to ask for help even when they really need it.

Now that you know all the changes and challenges IB students are going through at that age, you might wonder – why do they not seek help? According to Dr. John Duffy, often the“Fear of disappointing others can prevent teens from seeking help, as they worry about not living up to expectations. Let’s explore some factors supported by the study by Hellström and Beckman, 2021, that explain why you adults refraim from seeking out help.

Adolescent egocentrism 

Adolescence is a confusing stage where teenagers may feel like responsible adults yet may struggle to express themselves fully. One reason for this is a phenomenon called adolescent egocentrism, where teens believe their feelings, thoughts, and experiences are unique and may be misunderstood by others. This mindset can make it difficult for teens to open up and share their true feelings.

Fear of losing control

Adolescence is often marked by a mix of feelings about oneself. This stage serves as a transition from childhood to adulthood. By grades 11 and 12, IB students are preparing to take their first steps toward independence after school.  During this time, adolescents typically feel motivated to take responsibility for their lives, and seeking help may seem like giving up the control they are working hard to achieve.

Desire for independence

Teens often feel the need to function independently, viewing seeking help as a sign of dependency, – a trait associated with childhood, when they relied on their parents. Now, they strive to prove themselves as capable individuals who can handle their lives without assistance. This resistance can act as a hurdle in their path to success. 

Desire to appear competent

Another desire to showcase their responsibility is to appear competent to their parents. They aim to gain their parent’s trust and confidence by trying to handle their problems on their own. In this case, seeking help may feel like it undermines their competency.

Fear of being judged or misunderstood

In this crucial and challenging stage of life, teens often get emotionally vulnerable. This emotional vulnerability can make teens especially sensitive to criticism or feeling being misunderstood. Parent’s judgements significantly influence their self-esteem and emotional well-being. Therefore, to avoid the discomfort of being judged, teens may hesitate to seek help from their parents. 

Conflict avoidance

Avoiding conflict can be a significant reason for not seeking help, especially if the teenagers fear negative outcomes from seeking help. This tendency can also stem from their social dynamics, where they may prioritise maintaining harmony with their peers over getting the support they need.

Lack of skills to seek or accept help

Sometimes, it is as simple as a lack of skills to seek or accept help. Teens are at a stage where their emotional regulations are still developing, making it challenging to express their need for assistance.

How to help your child develop emotional resilience and well-being

As a parent of a young adolescent you should proactively look for ways to bond with your child, not only for academic success but also for supporting your child’s emotional well-being. Adolescents benefit greatly from strong connections with their parents, finding stability and comfort in knowing there is a trusted adult who is both present and willing to listen. Below are a few strategies for building a foundation of open communication and mutual respect for healthier parent-teen dynamics, fostering an environment where teenagers feel encouraged to seek support when needed.

Make yourself available

Active parental engagements can significantly benefit the mental health of adolescents. Teens who feel a strong connection with their parents are more likely to seek help from them, as well as from peers, tutors, or school counsellors. It is essential for IB parents to be both emotionally and physically present to give their teens a sense of stability. This can be achieved by being accessible and willing to listen when needed. 

Setting clear expectations and reassuring teens that their parents are there for them is an important first step to provide emotional support to teenagers. While the teens may hesitate at first, knowing that a trusted adult is available will make it easier for them to reach out for support.

Parent-teen dynamics:

“Every teenager wants to rebel against their parents, but deep down they also crave connection and understanding.” – Unknown

It is completely understandable for IB parents to get frustrated when dealing with teenagers, especially when the teens seem to have shut down. Here are some tips on how to navigate situations like these.  

1. Don’t lose your calm. First and foremost, it’s crucial for parents to remain calm in the face of IB challenges. While the situation can be overwhelming, reacting loudly or with frustration can escalate the situation. IB parents can try calming techniques such as sitting silently with their teens, offering a glass of water or any other method that helps them soothe an adult. Once the teen is calm, it becomes easier to approach them and have a productive conversation.    

2. Understanding their perception. It is very essential to consider  how  teens perceive  their parents’ reactions. If they feel yelled at or punished, they may view these actions as treating them like children. However, if IB parents approach them as partners, their teens are more likely to reach out, finding adults less intimidating and more approachable. 

3. Be actively involved in their life. This does not imply being intrusive and knowing every detail of the IB programme, in fact being actively involved can be a tricky task, as, again, how the teen perceives this involvement matters greatly. Open communication is often the key to strike a balance. Here are some effective ways to maintain an open- communication without making teens feel threatened: 

• Show genuine interest by engaging in what they are saying and doing. 
• Respect their privacy by giving them space when needed. 
• Establish regular check-ins by making time for casual conversations during relaxed moments, not just during family meals. This signals to the teens that their parents are there for them.

4. Ask for their perspective.  Encouraging teens to share their viewpoints can be beneficial, especially when they are not in a stressful situation.  By seeking their perspectives, parents send a strong message that they treat their teens as young adults. This approach not only fosters open communication but also helps teens learn to express themselves healthily, especially during difficult times.

Showing empathy 

“Empathy is the ability to sense other people’s emotions, coupled with the ability to imagine what someone else might be thinking or feeling.” – Danial Goleman

Parents can empathise with their teens by practising active listening. It requires parents to be fully attentive when their teens are speaking and validating their feelings. Instead of rushing to offer solutions, they can offer support. Sharing personal experiences can also demonstrate empathy, showing studentss that IB parents truly understand what they are going through. Additionally, asking open-ended questions about their situation can encourage teens to broaden their perspectives. These strategies can also help reduce the sense of adolescent egocentrism, allowing teens to be more expressive. 

Respecting their independence 

While parents need to acknowledge their child’s transition into adolescence and desire for independence, providing them with the right resources is equally essential. One powerful tool is educating them about the difference between independence and autonomy. Autonomy is a fundamental psychological need for motivation and well-being. It means being willing to do whatever it takes to succeed, including seeking help and collaborating with others. Viewing this as a life skill can truly empower teens if it is instilled in them. This approach will encourage them to understand that asking for help is not a sign of weakness but rather a strength that contributes to their growth and success.  

Consider the possibility of personalised work with a tutor

IB programme can be really challenging and time-consuming for IB parents to dive deep. And that’s when International Baccalaureate tutoring comes to the rescue. Experienced IB tutors and examoners understand not only the academic demands but also the emotional and developmental hurdles that teenagers often face. Here are key reasons why a skilled IB tutor can be instrumental:

1. Personalised Approach to Learning:
A good tutor will tailor their teaching methods to suit the student’s individual needs, whether addressing specific subject difficulties or developing critical IB skills like essay writing, time management, or TOK analysis.

2. Building Rapport with Teenagers:
An IB tutor and student relationship is key to effective learning. Look for a tutor who connects well with teenagers, demonstrates patience, and creates a safe space where your child feels comfortable asking questions and expressing concerns.

3. Fostering Independence:
Rather than simply providing answers, a great tutor will encourage your teen to develop problem-solving skills and self-reliance—IB traits essential for success in the IB programme and beyond.

4. Guidance on Managing IB-Specific Challenges:
From navigating internal assessments (IAs) to understanding the Extended Essay (EE), an experienced IB tutor will help demystify the complex aspects of the curriculum, ensuring that your teen stays on track.

At U4Success, we have gathered over 100 highly qualified tutors and examiners across various subjects and core disciplines. If you feel overwhelmed by IB challenges, get in touch with us. We can definitely help.

Actionable strategies how you as a parent of an IB student can support your child in the IB Curriculum

The strategies shared here are based on research and the author’s extensive hands-on interactions with adolescents over many years as a IB psychology teacher, school counsellor and tutor. These approaches can help you create a supportive environment encouraging your child to seek guidance. 

“Parents play a crucial role in guiding their adolescents through the tumultuous waters of teenage life; their support can make all the difference.” –  Dr. Lisa Damour

IB is different from when you went to school: acknowledge the differences and embrace the IB curriculum

As IB parents it is important to recognise that the education offered by the International Baccalaureate is quite different from what they might have experienced. Even if a parent were an IB student themself, the curriculum has likely changed significantly. This means they still have much to learn about the IB challenges their child faces. Being aware of these changes is a great first step for parents to engage with their children and understand their academic struggles. 

Another key area to consider is the grading system for the IB MYP and  IB DP. Many parents may not be familiar with IB grading, which can lead to misunderstandings about their child’s achievements. Comparing IB grades to other grading systems can create unrealistic expectations and may demotivate students. If they feel they can’t meet the benchmarks set by their parents, it can be discouraging. Having a thorough understanding of the grading system used in the IB curriculum will help both the parents and their teens in setting realistic goals and support their success.

EE, IA, IO, IAS…. say what? Learn to speak your child’s language by getting to know the IB terminology:

Familiarising oneself with the terminology is an authentic way for IB parents to connect with their teen’s academic world. For instance, when addressing a teenager following the IB DP, instead of using generic terms like “project”, “home assessments”, using terms that are specific to IB DP like “internal assessment” (IA) or “extended essay” (EE) can resonate more with teens. When teens feel that their parents don’t understand the demands of the curriculum, they often hesitate to share their concerns. This approach conveys a powerful message to the teens that their parents are genuinely interested in and committed to their academic journey. 

When too much is just too much: avoid resource overloading 

While providing children with additional resources can be helpful, too much can overwhelm them. An IB student typically has multiple subjects to study, each with a vast IB syllabus and specific skills to develop. Teens often feel pressured to read everything given to them, but only experienced teachers and tutors can determine what is truly necessary for the course. 

It is also essential to keep in mind that in the IB curriculum teachers and tutors focus not only on covering content but also on fostering the skills and attributes that are integral to the program. Therefore, as a parent of an IB student you can support your child by encouraging them to reach out if they need additional resources. You can also get involved by working with tutors to find ways to support skill development at home. This collaboration can help reinforce what students are learning in the classroom. 

Understand the IB academic calendar and stay up-to-date

This is more important for teens in the IB DP. For many teenagers, International Baccalaureate may be their first experience juggling multiple deadlines and prioritising important tasks. Schools often provide internal academic calendars that outline key dates of the IB programme for regular assessments and college application submissions to help students. However, many students tend to wait until the deadline approaches, which can compromise their lifestyle and create unnecessary pressure. It is, therefore, beneficial for parents to be aware of these timelines and guide their teens when needed. Additionally, IB parents can share practical tips on multitasking and strategies that have worked for them. This will make the teens understand that what they are experiencing is not unique; it’s a significant part of their transition into young adulthood.